I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
