my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
