someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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