He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
