they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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