I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
