Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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