I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
