omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
