I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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