I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Congratulations! We have a period
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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