I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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