i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
