Banned from zoo.
Again?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
