when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it because I queefed?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
