I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
