you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
