made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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