we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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