Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
