nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
