Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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