I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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