We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
