haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
