flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
