I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
