Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
