The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
