He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
