I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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