That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
