You just made me feel so damn special
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
