Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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