If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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