It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
