Will you blow on my dice?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
