like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
