morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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