you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
