My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
