you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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