I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
