at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
