we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
