You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mom said you looked used
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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