you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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