I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
