I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
