i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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